Secretly Yours,
by sapphiques-and-angelfire
Summary: :)
1. Out of Control

Out of control. That's how she feels. She has to bloody please everyone. Jenny wants to spaz and freak out about this, while Chelsea is always complaining about Joshelle and Joshelle has her problems and is always going to the professor about how everyone treats her unfairly, when she treats them unfairly. Then one of her best friends, Melly is having her own problems and she's trying to be there but how do you be there for someone when you don't know what you're there for? And finally, there's Vio. The oldest and best-est friend she has. The one she can always go to when she's mad or upset about something, or just for laugh. But, Vio's upset with her. And She's noticed that Vio's been off lately and now She doesn't know what this means because she's getting mixed signals form Vio, and some of those signals form S*****e. Only Zelda seems to be okay. She's the only neutral zone in World War 3. She's not trying to make this about herself, but she doesn't know what to do. She just wants to end everything. Permanently. But she doesn't have that luxury. Sometimes, she just goes into her room and shuts everything into herself and wonders, "What if?"

She's out of control, but no one knows. 'Cause the only language she's know, "Though I'm not fine, it does not show." And it won't ever show, so no one will know. But when it snows, she might go out, and not ever come in.


	2. Family

I have Family. I have a big family. But you probably don't care, do you? You don't care if I have a good day or bad. A shit day or the Best Day of My Very Short Life So Far. But I'm gonna talk anyway.

I have a Family. One that's full of people who are actually related to me, people who love me and I love back and people who I never want to see leave me. Ever.

Some people in my Family aren't even real people, they're book characters. They're characters who taught me lessons I might not have learned before. Things that I only noticed through reading about them and watching them in movies. Some might think me odd for including them in my concept of Family, but I don't. Family is whoever I want in it.

Some people in my Family, I don't even know. They're the people whose quotes I've read, people who created the characters I take comfort in. They who made me think hard about whom I am, who keep changing me. People who make me question the very binding of ourselves and our nature.

There's also the family that's related to me. I'm pretty much obliged to love them. I do so, willingly. There's not much to say.

Then there are those people who I love and Love me back. I think. I love my friends. My three best friends to be exact. I can't imagine passing one day without thinking, 'What would they say about this?' at least a couple billion times each, each day. They drive me insane, annoy the hell out of me and sometimes I just want to throw them out the Damned Window. But I don't, one, attempted murder does not look good on University Applications and, two; I never want to see them Leave.

This brings me to the last group. The people who I Never Want To See Leave Me Ever. That would include: Zee, Vio and Kitty. Times are changing, and changing us especially but that doesn't mean I'm gonna not want them to be in my life. They're endearingly annoying, especially Vio, exasperatingly random, Zee, and contagiously but weirdly peppy, Kitty, but I never want to say Goodbye. Not now, not ever.

I'm just scared I guess. I'm afraid of losing things (or people) that I'll never meet again. The people I know now, I'll never have another one of them. Never down to the smallest odd quirk. I don't want to lose them. I have Abandonment Issues, that's obvious but I just don't want that. I have this feeling in the middle of my chest that won't leave me alone. It's a feeling that keeps on telling me, 'Nothing Ever Lasts. Enjoy it while you still have it'. Because no matter what the hell I say or tell myself, I always know. I'll always know; nothing ever lasts. Tomorrow is never going to be like today. I'm never gonna have the same chance that I have right now. And I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore.

So I'm gonna put this out and hope no one flames because this is my fears put on display for you pleasure of reading.


End file.
